Free Advice: On What Others Think


Who cares about what you are wearing?
When I was twenty-one years old, a wiser and older friend came to a party wearing a beautiful blue and white flowered sun dress. She was stunning.. I complimented her on her dress. She laughed and said "You always tell me how much you like this dress. I wear it everywhere you know. It's funny, people don't remember what I was wearing - but how I looked in it." She looked confident and happy in her little blue and white sundress. That is what people took home with them. So pick an outfit you love and wear it out. Nobody will remember it anyway.

Who cares about you?
Imagine you are attending  a cocktail party. You might know two people in the room. Are you concerned if you are over-dressed or under-dressed? Possibly a little nervous about making small talk because you hate small talk? Maybe the people at the cocktail party are just not your type and you feel uncomfortable or less confident than you would be with a group of good friends? Do you feel judged? Assessed? Evaluated? You're not alone. 

But if there is one thing that I have learned in life it's that most people are self absorbed Judging, assessing and/or evaluating you requires too much energy. They are more concerned with how they are dressed, what they might talk about, how they are being judged, assessed an/or evaluated. so, when you have to go to another cocktail party of strangers - have pity on them and try to put them at ease - they are under a lot of pressure.

Who cares what you drive?
Who cares where you live?
Who cares what you buy?

The only person who should care, is you. 

An interesting take on the subject by anAmerican physicist
Striving for authenticity
As an adult, caring what other people think has not been a real problem for me. I think it was the way in which I was raised. If you knew my mom, you would know what I'm talking about.

My mom really didn't care what other people thought. Really. But she had an incredible sense of humor and taught us how to laugh at ourselves and to be compassionate towards others. "Never judge a book by its cover" was one of her many repeated phrases, along with "Don't judge a man until you have walked in his shoes". She had a million of them.

As a teenager, I was mortified on a daily basis by her "who gives a shit?" attitude. As an adult, I found it refreshing.  Now that she's gone, I miss it.

There's something to be said for someone who stands by her own principles in all aspects of her life. Like her or not, she was as authentic a person as I have ever known. I think she would be surprised if she could hear me say today that I strive to be more like her.

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